Chef.

Position.  Position.  Position.  This is the foundation of Harmony, or so I am told by people who should know.  This does seem accurate to me, as my first week in my new "job" has yielded many insights. 

What I do know about position is that it really frees one up.  My whole life I have spent worrying about the bigger picture and what other people were doing.  This has created untold stress and fighting in my life.  Fighting with myself over my shortcomings, fighting with others over the way I "knew" things should be done.  Maybe I was right, maybe I was wrong.  But the bigger problem was always me overstepping my place.  Big Ego. Huge Ego.  Well, I turn 35 soon and I would like to live the rest of my life with as much peace and happiness as I possibly can. 

Standing in the kitchen with my slightly overbearing definitely superior boss is something of a test.  For real.  She is up in my shit non-stop.  To be fair, the place is pretty small for so many big personalities, but still, step the fuck off.  However, this is unlikely, so the question remains, what am I gonna do.  How do I get through all these tests of fire and brimstone.

Well.... my good friends' advice was... become a good observer, cultivate myself, and stay calm.  These three things are really key for me and I will address each in turn.

First, Be a Good Observer.  What does that mean to me?  I think, at this point at least, that being a good observer means not letting my mind fool me about other people's shortcomings.  They have them.  Sometimes I don't pay attention. I don't allow myself to see clearly.  Perhaps I give people too much benefit of the doubt, but I think the real problem is Christianity.   We hide our own shortcomings and sins from our eyes out of fear of retribution from the false god.  What a load of bullshit.  Really.  What a terrible miserable life we lead.  I have gotta correct this is the proper way.  Damn this is a big tangled knot, because it also ties in with the way I torture myself, trying to conquer my shortcomings; to beat them into submission.  In my experience this doesn't work... at the very least I have to respect myself as one of Heaven's sons.  If they wanna beat me then they can do it.  I am done flogging myself.  I have seen too much hope and sincerity in my heart to hate myself anymore.  This is definitely one thing I have learned from GS training.  Patience and love is the key.  Progress is made by working in harmony with the bells in the set.  The more force I try to use to send the bells overhead, the more it becomes instantly harder.   

Ok, so I guess this is gonna really be my chance to observe myself as well.  DL (dragon lady as I will call her) is actually very very useful in this regards.  She is not easily fooled and deep down I appreciate her pointing out the things I need to work on, even if she tests me by doing it in the most pretentious way possible.  In fairness, she has gotten alot better about this.  It can't be easy to deal with me and I respect her for trying and caring. 

Two, Cultivate Myself.  Well, this comes back to position.  Do I think I can fix the whole situation?  Really?  Why?  EGO EGO EGO.  Leggo my EGO.  Enough already.  Fixing is up to Heaven, I guess my help is not really needed.  (Chagrined I am though that I'm not the end all, beat all of the universe.  What is my position?  That is what I need to be constantly asking myself.  I see my sincerity to be upright and responsible... now it is just a matter of finding the proper channel and path to focus my energy.  Rather than get angry or fight back, I am gonna focus internally to...

Three, Stay Calm. I refused to be moved.  I AM THE ROCK.  Yell at me, curse me, challenge me, blame me, poke me, prod me, hurt me, compliment me.  I have only one goal.... not to be moved.  Confidence comes from within... I go now to find it.

Michael.